I want very much to write about what the last two days have become for me– but I don’t feel capable. My thoughts are much too scattered and disconnected. All day long yesterday I dwelled on what had happened between Lennie and Ed. There were two main sides to my thoughts. On the one side was my screwed-up reaction to the way, and how it happened– waking up in the middle of the night and finding them on the floor. But more important was the reaction I had to the “dishonesty” of the situation. I’ve wondered if I just very dramatically blew everything out of proportion, and made an issue out of nothing. But I don’t think that’s entirely true. For one thing– this involved the three people that I have been most emotionally involved with for the past year. This hits at the very core of my being– the emotional commitment to human relationships have been the center of my life– simply because they are so rare. I have responded to these three people in a very vulnerable way– in love and openness.