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April 26th, 1982
And, he turned out indeed to be a very wonderful man who didn’t do a thing for me emotionally or sexually. The day was pleasant. I am still starving. (Speaking of…I’ve just lost 13 pounds).
My therapist feels that I should explore my father’s power in my life. The Renegade. The outlaw. The wild man. He says I must claim my inheritance.
But I can’t. I’m afraid of him.
Fear of my father has emasculated me. Power, strength, authority, are feelings which I cannot allow myself— They have been externalized. Anger.