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April 27th, 1982
Just to note— last week I went to a movie with Phil and his lover, Morey. It was a pleasant, enjoyable evening. We went for coffee later to La Fortuna. Morey and I got on well. No wounded heart. No pain. No damaged emotions. The movie was a melodramatic Italian film about unrequited love. It felt so good to have all that shit out of my system.
The effects of surrender.
Let it go.
“the apparently bottomless gulf between what we say we want and what we do want, between what we officially admire and secretly desire, between, in the largest sense, the people we marry and the people we love.” -Joan Didion