August 12th, 1972
Slept late– nearly eleven I think. Delayed getting up for two reasons– one: I didn’t have anything planned for today– and two: I had no money to finance any entertainment.
Ah– the financial situation. Grim and dismal. Will I never be in a comfortable position again money-wise? I know– logic, reason tells me that if I can maintain a pattern of “just keep working and saving your money” that everything has to work out eventually. The way it looks to me now– by the first of October everything should be stacking up. I should have my bills paid and should then be able to relax a bit.
The problem, I think, is not so much that I don’t have money as that I need money. I found myself today fabricating a million little items I wanted to buy– tooth polish (I’m not out yet)– a phone call to Jimmie, when all logic tells me to wait, rings and incense and herbs and God knows what all! I am a compulsive spender– consumer, collector. I wouldn’t find this so hard to cope with were it not for the fact that I’m so broke. So– to avoid, hopefully, the expenses I’ve been having as a result of eating out (I have no alternative) I bought several items at a health food store to keep in my room. I spent $4.54 and got– 1) peanut butter, 2) apple butter, 3) cereal, 4) wild honey, and 5) graham crackers. The goal is to try and stay nourished on these until they run out. I’ve got– probably $2.00 or just over to last me ‘til Thursday– fun time, eh? I am weary of this poverty– but equally as determined to last it out. I am crazy owing this money. I have put aside $5.00 from this past weeks pay. If I can last until Thursday without dipping into it, then I can add another $50.00– and, the next Thursday will have enough to pay Southern Airlines– Good God– that bill dates from this past Memorial Day and besides that Rene gave me the money for it. Which I squandered. At any rate– I can hitch-hike home over Labor Day weekend and get a money order for the amount and mail it– with apologies– from Washington.
Then– it will take two more weeks into September for me to pay off my mother– and at least the next two weeks to pay off miscellaneous bills in Washington.
Which brings me to October 1st– Christ– what shall I do in that amount of time–