The Last Hundred Miles

Share this post

August 14th, 1981

www.thelasthundredmiles.com

Discover more from The Last Hundred Miles

The Diary of Larry Waite
Continue reading
Sign in

August 14th, 1981

The Last Hundred Miles
Aug 14, 1981
Share this post

August 14th, 1981

www.thelasthundredmiles.com
Share

I sit at dusk outside the laundromat waiting for my clothes to wash. Adam is here doing his laundry also. We chat like housewives. I tell him all about David and work and realize as I speak that he is a friend, I am aware of how much I like him. What a tender warmth it is to realize his friendship. Planes roar overhead and a cool breeze gently moves across my bare legs. It is summer and I am very happy. Right here. Right now.


The alcoholic learns to survive through complex systems of manipulation. Feelings and instincts are fogged and anesthetized away. Self image is usually a garbled combination of grandiose defenses and inarticulate self-hatred. As one begins to sober up, real feelings emerge and it can be a frightening experience.

This romance with David is inciting huge feelings of self-loathing. It is beyond my comprehension that a handsome wonderful man might find me interesting or attractive. Doesn’t he see that I am an odd looking, overweight neurotic? His declarations of love for me are causing me to turn on myself bitterly.

But I am aware of what is happening– therefore its effect on me is diminished. It is more of an intellectual process than a matter of gut feeling.

I must love myself, and allow myself to be loved. That lonely scrawny boy in Missouri has got to start growing up.

Share this post

August 14th, 1981

www.thelasthundredmiles.com
Share
Comments
Top
New
Community

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 The Last Hundred Miles
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing