August 23rd, 1980
9:00 PM Saturday
A day spent wandering around the city. Knowing that I will be alright here. A steadiness occurs, I know I will have a good life. There is a missing piece to this puzzle and it’s a missing element I would carry anywhere.
I need a lover. Goddamn it to hell– I need a fucking lover– and Phil was the one. I am, even here, even now, supremely depressed. Goddamn, goddamn. Fuck God and his infinite wisdom. I am nearly thirty and totally unhappy alone and what, what is this SUPREME FATE MAKER waiting for.
Stop it, Larry. Stop it.