December 3rd, 1978

I went to the 7-11 this morning for a newspaper. There was a cowboy there, using the pay telephone by the door. Tight faded jeans, cowboy shirt, denim jacket with silver studs, and a broad brimmed leather hat. I was not sure whether he was straight or gay, but I was sure of the lurking attraction I feel when I see someone acting the role of super masculine.

It occurs to me that I have not clearly understood the importance of my background to the way my sexuality expresses itself now, as an adult. The drama of Jeri and Lawrence. The concepts of masculinity and femininity that were formed in the fifties, my childhood. The drama of truck drivers and waitresses. This was the stage where I saw roles performed. Although my intellectual life is a product of the sixties and seventies, I cannot ignore the basic ideas that were produced deep within my psyche in the fifties. How much of me was made then, and still, now, controls my responses?