December 6th, 1981

The day before I went into the hospital, Lynn called and asked if she, Paul and Hal could come for Christmas. I was so excited and the plans were set. Lynn called several times while I was in the hospital— and I’ve anticipated having them here. I’ve spent so many Christmas’ with them— their coming will truly make it a warm and happy holiday.

And then I started thinking.

I remembered all my drinking bouts with Lynn and Paul. I remembered my last Christmas with them— round the clock drinking. Their drinking habits matched mine— they travel with a little styrofoam cooler for six packs. I suddenly saw them here— drinking— Allan, of course happy to have drinkers in the house— Ad I knew that I would be uncomfortable, uneasy, and unwilling to spend Christmas with people drinking all day and night.

So, I called Lynn tonight— and explained to her that I just am not in a situation to be around drinking— I told her that facing my first holiday sober is not the steadiest I’ve ever been. And I hoped she’d understand.

She said she would discuss it with Paul and get back to me.