February 16th, 1980
An interesting day develops. Last week I introduced myself to a man at The Snake Pit. I was already involved, so to speak, with Myron whom I later spent the night with, but I couldn’t resist cruising this very interesting number on my right. As I left, I told him my name and asked him to call me at work. He did. Thursday night we were supposed to have a date, but a lot of missed cues and not too much enthusiasm caused me to opt for a night out with Allan at the Eagle and thereby sort of stand him– Bill– up. He seemed patient with my excuses and still wanted to see me. He said he was going to have his children for the weekend and invited me to join them for a trip to the Air and Space Museum. I was delighted– the kids Jeffry and Pamela, were bright and well-mannered. Southern kids with that charming air of Dixie affluence. And Bill was a real pleasure to meet. I guess that Bill is in his early forties. He has sandy blonde hair and a blonde mustache. He exudes an enormous sense of confidence, security. Of course I was watching him in action all day reacting with his children– in the role of daddy. But I loved being with him.
He’s handsome in a southern way, too. It’s difficult to describe that sense of southern maleness– that Bruce Dern darkness. The male counterpart of the flighty, fragile southern belle is the resonant, romantic southern gentleman. His body has the sturdiness to it of a man who works hard and takes care of himself. My initial impression of Bill is that he is a very healthy man. Both mentally and physically.
I wonder about the attraction I have for him. It seems to me that I should have learned by now to beware of my impulse to create mommies and daddies out of the people around me. That kind of relationship limits my self-reliance and creativity and places a weird set of expectations on the people in my life. And Bill is the perfect daddy. He’s handsome and bright and funny and positive about himself and life. He has a gorgeous apartment, lots of money, a maid, a driver and now, if he wants it and I play my cards right, a hunky intellectual 29-year-old lover. We would be a hot couple.