February 18th, 1981
Strange semi-hyper day. This morning as I waited at the elevator to take Sadie out for her morning walk, she squatted and pissed all over the hallway. I had been standing there listening to the old woman at the end of the hallway rant and rave and threat and scream at her invalid husband. I was thinking how horrible and terrible she was. Suddenly I was ranting and raving at Sadie. I cleaned up the piss and was immediately sorry for having lost my temper. Just last night, she had pissed in front me on the carpet as I sat on the sofa and talked to Allan on the phone. Perhaps something is wrong with her. A mild panic ensues. Dear God, the very last thing I can afford to do is go to the vet. Shit, I can’t even afford to get a haircut. By the time I got to work I was furious and guilt-ridden at myself for having left Sadie in a shaking heap after yelling at her, and totally depressed at the impending expense of a vet. This poverty is something that just can’t be allowed to continue. Now it is mid-February, my rent is still not paid and I have a $100 phone bill which must be paid in the next couple of weeks. Lord, Aunt Doris, whatever are we going to do. So, I heard from Ellen at work that THE best animal hospital in the city is The Animal Medical Center on the upper west side. I made an appointment, came home, got all my money which was hidden in my chair and took Sadie for a hair-raising taxi ride uptown. The place was truly incredible. A nine-story hospital for dogs. There was a long wait for x-rays, which the vet wanted to see if she might have a uterine infection. I left and wandered around, just hating the area. So different from the Village, which has become my New York. As it happened, the x-rays showed nothing unusual and the doctor left me with a $60 bill and instructions to monitor water consumption for the next five days. At least I know there is nothing dreadfully wrong with her. Her behavior is otherwise normal. She seems to feel well and be in a good mood. She may well have just decided to start pissing on the floor. Who knows.
On the way to the grocery, I stopped at Boots and had a beer. Total boredom. I can’t stand cruise bars. I want sex. Last night Doug called me and I broke off the “relationship”. He seemed bewildered and kept pursuing why I didn’t want to see him. Finally I told him it was because I only dated older men. It satisfied him. He said he would miss me.
God, tonight I miss him.
Wendy will be in town tomorrow. I have to fold clothes that I washed last night, was dishes, and straighten the living. I’m tired.