February 4th, 1982
In a few moments I am leaving for Washington Square: Howie is qualifying tonight. I am calmly trying not to be the nervous wreck that I am. I am apprehensive about how it will feel being together at meetings— now that our courtship has been set in motion. I am dressed in new jeans and crisp new pink shirt I bought just to wear tonight. Now I am acting like Howie’s beau. I want him to like me.
Larry, n the name of God, JUST BE YOU— regardless of the consequences. You can’t cause anyone to love you— you cannot costume and masquerade as being worthy of love. You can only be you.
You are a drunk struggling to stay sober one day at a time. You are going to go to an AA meeting to share your sobriety and that of other sober drunks.
You cannot concern yourself with love, all you can do is just be you. Just be Larry. Don’t dress Larry up and parade him across a stage for applause.
JUST BE YOU.
You’re the only Larry there is or ever will be. And I love you very much.