February 6th, 1979

I’ve been crying, literally, for three days. Too tired this late at night to drag it all out again. Fell in love Saturday night. Refusing to make any commitment to see me again he left with a big grin and a kiss Sunday morning. I started crying as the taxi pulled away and I spent most of the day crying and drinking beer and cleaning the kitchen. Today, when I found out that he apparently lied to me about his job (what else, his name?) I felt humiliated and angry. Angry at myself, angry at him, angry at the community in which I live, angry at the social mentality that allows this casual heart breaking, angry at god who doesn’t seem to be holding up his end of the bargain. My concepts of the loving god who cares for his creatures is somewhat battered tonight. As I am.

Never look for love in the bars, darlin’, and never, never name what you bring home from the bars as love.