January 18th, 1976

Mild depressions in the mornings. This is still hard for me to do. Still want Richard badly. Still need him. I’d love to be with him now. Longing for the past.

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I called Richard. He has someone at the house now– giving a permanent. Says it wouldn’t be comfortable for me to come by. Wants me to come by later. I wonder? A lover? A friend? A trick? Jesus– my feelings are so contradictory.