January 22nd, 1973
My sexual fantasies make me aware of the monstrous difficulties facing being a homosexual– Throughout time– through literature and poetry– all art– all romance has extolled the beauty and mystery of homosexuality– Even religion sanctions conjugal love as a life’s mission– Our movies– television– our novels– our lives posit it with a beauty and reverence reserved for few other experiences in life.
Yet my personal sexual fantasies leave me humiliated and debased. Men making love with other men is a nasty and dirty and filthy thing.
There is nothing about homosexuals or homosexuality that is positive or admirable. Homosexuals are superficial fucked-up neurotics.
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Just being aware of how you work and using that awareness to make your being something that you do rather than something that happens to you. That’s getting your shit together.
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I refuse to sacrifice my body to time.