At work– not much to do. Idly sitting, waiting for the day to go back. Talking to Allen. Eating licorice– worrying that the vague pain in my left jaw may be a wisdom tooth.
I just sat here and figured out that if I just very calmly devote myself to the idea that getting a VW van is clearly the most fulfilling project I could currently undertake– and work and save $50 out of each check– that, with the $230 I currently have saved– by the end of the summer I could have $500 saved.
All summer long! And $500 is just a drop in the bucket– a good down payment.
Escape fantasies flood my consciousness. As comfortable as life is becoming for me– as content as I feel about so many elements of my life–
my job
Richard
the apartment/home
saving money
determination (an end to the aimlessness)
there seems to be a simultaneous undercurrent of discontent. “Is this all there is?”– the wanderlust.
That’s why I want that van so much. To provide a way to feel my wanderlust and at the same time avoid the loss of a home– being on the road without being on the street.
Sort of a middle-class hobo.
A bourgeoise tramp.
I really am sick of working though. I long for something new and interesting and exciting.
Oh, I should shut that dialogue up.
No, I shouldn’t shut that dialogue up. I should feel it and explore it.
I want a VW van! that’s the next step I want to have happen.