June 25th, 1982

A breakthrough occurred in therapy today. I was talking to David about this issue of will and turning it over. David asked me to consider the possibility of the solution to this problem being beyond my imagination. To illustrate this, he showed me a puzzle of 9 dots—

The problem is to connect the dots with a continuous line that does not cross itself. The solution, which he looked up in a book, is unexpected (I forget now what it is)

But the point is— the solution was totally unexpected. For years, I have been beating my head against the same wall— waiting for the lover to enter my life and make all the parts fit. And it doesn’t fit— the square peg in a round hole.

Step Two— “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity”

There is a solution to the puzzle.

Step Three— “Made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Our way doesn’t work— we turn the solution over to God.

I’ve never been able to comprehend the third step until now because apparently, God does not solve problems in the usual way. I have decided to let him do this his way.

The breakthrough was the acceptance that getting my needs met may bear no resemblance to getting what I think I want.

Up till now, I’ve been telling H.P. to connect the dots for me— and I’ve provided Him with detailed instructions as to how it should be done. Today, for the first time, I realized that if I will get out of the way— he just may connect the dots in a glorious, surprising way I have never imagined.

What a marvelous emotional release! I finally understand “Thy Will Be Done”— all those clichés suddenly make sense to me now. “Let Go and Let God”— “Get Out of The Driver’s Seat.” I’m nearly giddy with this joy. The fight is over00 the awful struggle is done. Let yourself fall into the everlasting arms. Let go. Let go.

And the excitement is this: I don’t have a clue how this will turn out. I know it’s wonderful— but I’m not the tortured director of the play— plotting and sweating over the scenes— I’m just an actor who knows the play is wonderful with a happy ending.

Hope Joy Faith Peace Serenity

Sobriety is the greatest gift. A sick crazy dying drunk brought into light and life and joy.