June 26th, 1978

[continued]

I drink into long summer nights.

Life must be done spontaneously. Anything done by rote has lost some value.

—-

Tomorrow I supposedly have a job interview. I languish and amuse myself with pastimes.

—-

What Larry needs is someone to love. It’s what he was made for.

Let others fail. I will show you how to win…

—-

Winning right now means holding steady. Staying in the middle. Riding for awhile. I must stay settled till I am out of debt. All my years tell me to hold still for a minute.

—-

So I stay home and knock myself out because on my budget I can afford little else.

—-

Julian called me at work today. In town on business and with his mother. She is here on vacation (here and New York) until mid-July. So nice on the phone. Made me want to get fucked by him again. Made me want to get fucked by anybody.

Horniness consumes me.