March 13th, 1979

How tedious my depressions become, even to myself (I can only wonder the horror what they do to my friends who are constantly subjected to them). I’ve been at loose ends for days now. My relationship with Bob has become suffocating as I realize that I cannot respond to him with the ardor that expresses for me. I feel guilty and hopeless; hopeless because there is no reason why I should not be totally in love with him. My affection for him does not match the attention he gives to me.

So I sit around in my bathrobe and get ready to go with Allan to Mr. P’s tonight. The trollops out on the two again. I need to get dressed and paint my face and head out for a sweaty room and act like I am having a good time.