March 30th, 1972

I am sitting at my self-styled desk. My alcove. My turret room on a cold and rainy night– hammering out on my Sears and Roebuck typewriter the passions and furies of a passionate and furious lifetime.

When I woke up this morning the apartment was in black and white. Dreary, gray, overcast dry long day ahead. Stumbling and wheezing to the bathroom I grabbed by red spread lying on the floor by the side of the bed to throw around me as I went to the bathroom… a cold yellow feeling hit my back in the gray shitty apartment. Cat piss. A thousand bells and sirens go off simultaneously in my head. Just before I went to bed last night I had put on my robe and Solomon had pissed on the back of it. I caught him and shook him as he pissed himself and all over the floor with fear. I rubbed his face viciously in the piss-smelling robe. And now this. This morning to cope with and this terrible gray room to have to get my shit together in. And now the cat had done it again.

Then there was Peggy and Ed’s apartment and George and Peggy and myself walking to the Safeway. I feel bad. I feel all cold and gray today. I feel parched and drawn out and drizzly and gray.

Back at the apartment. Ed and Ave and Dick’s brother and some other guy in a railroad hat. They never introduced me. I guess everybody was stoned. Excusing myself in my $10.00 dollar flared slacks from the Hecht Co. and my bright yellow office shirt. Upstairs to the cold and gray apartment. I found Solomon after a long search. He was huddled in the closet absolutely void of any further resistance. I picked him up and brought him into the living room and rubbed him completely dry as I sat in my big red velvet chair. I got the hair brush that Ruby had given to me so long ago and I rubbed and brushed and stroked Solomon for a very long time and tried to get over my hatred for him.

Then Peggy knocked at my door and entered with three towels and a tube of something and wanted to know if she could use my shower. I assumed it was because a new troop and just entered their apartment to buy dope. She probably wanted the privacy.

I have to go to lunch downstairs now. I’ve been typing too long.