May 10th, 1977

Today I have worked at Gerfinckel’s one year. Today was scheduled as THE DAY FOR MY CAST TO COME OFF. Today turned out to be the day I saw how bad my foot still looked. How swollen and weak and bruised. I had visions of going out dancing tonight. Of being “normal” again. Also a crummy day at work.

Slowly I begin to take myself less and less seriously and to see my world in a better perspective. I remember frenzied days even when I worked for Guild Press. And where did any of that take me?

So my dog sighs beside me and early twilight in Glover Park in spring and humbling of jet overheard and kids yelling outside. Allen is driving me to and from work. Allen is breaking up with Roger. He’s come so close so many times. I really think it’s happening this time. He just left after we got stoned and drank beer and talked. He’s on his way out tonight. To Mr. P.’s. I remember the insanity of last winter after I left Richard and Allen and I were running the bars. Even in my total freedom now I can’t imagine living that way again.

—-

And here I am after almost getting in over my head– relishing the advantages to being single and “in the market.” It’s not so bad.

Despair over whether or not I’ll ever “find someone” is a wasted effort. I am going to accept the fact that I am single and will remain so until I am so overwhelmed with a lover that destiny takes over and dictates my life.

So far this sitcom has pretty much the same daily dialogue.