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May 21st, 1976
Allen just called. Yes, we are going out. I have drunk a six-pack and smoked countless cigarettes and gotten stoned. I have an hour to get ready. Another night at the bar. My lungs ache from too much smoking. I feel sad and somewhat annoyed with me and Dennis. Put money out of my mind. Oh, I’ll get by.
Who will it be tonight? Do I have the strength to go through another sexual/emotional encounter that may quickly lead to selfish despisal? My energy fails me. But my belief in magic sustains me.