Discover more from The Last Hundred Miles
May 30th, 1976
As it happened Steve suddenly went to Philadelphia. Allen came over later. These constant money problems are a drain on my psyche. And I burden my friends with them.
Going out was necessary last night. After having spent nearly 24 hours in trance-like sleep, floating through and away from reality.
We went to the Pier 9. Neither of us there in years. An entirely different gay world from the dark cruisy bars Allen and I frequent. Heavy disco– big warehouse converted into psychedelia. Lots of women. Lots of glitter– clothes– posing. Allen and I do not stay long. We are from a different genre. We are the older homosexuals– not into drugs and glitter. We lave and go to Mr. P.’s.
Back into our territory. Memorial Day weekend and the bar is fairly non-crowded for a Saturday night. Richard is there. He will not speak to me. Still furious at me for ruining our effort at reconciliation by calling him the other night. It was stupid. I am sorry I did it.
Somehow it is not bothering me to be at the bar with Richard– watching him cruise. Thank God I am with Allen and our little group of friends. Richard is alone. Allen and I are with Pat, Henry, and Nick. Wes is there, Dana is there. Dana tells me Richard is an asshole. And I know he is. Van is there. The sexy bartender still winking at me.
I met a guy from the University of Missouri. Nice enough man. I forget his name. I wanted him to come home with me for sex. He just moved here and is staying with his parents– looking for an apartment. Couldn’t come home with me because he has run out of excuses with his parents. I dismiss him. My intrigue is low for a third-one-year-old man lying to his parents.
I am bored.
I come home alone. Again. Raining. It has been for days. Today feeling numb and grey. Sitting at my dining room table with Venetian blinds pulled back over a big grey screen. Where is the sun? Where is my lover?
Not much to do except sit and watch the grey days pass and drink beer and slip in and out of sleep and sad songs playing over and over.