November 9th, 1971

Changed, all changed–

Several thousand dreams later– here I sit on my sofa after re-reading several unrelated entries. Except they’re all related. How can I say where I am now? How can I show in words what has happened to make everything now rather than then? I need to show the week leading up to Jimmie’s last day. I have to show that Friday– the zombies, Gail, Sue– sleeping with Jimmie that night– and the drive to Oklahoma City– and the week– Naomi, contact lens, clothes, bars, Jimmie, Judy, Teri, Norman Oklahoma, Denise, the game, Jimmie, suede coat, airport, New Orleans, Mom, Rene, dead Lady, Aunt Cat, the trailer, my room there, no money, knee, Melinda, back, back, back, back to Washington. Back to work.

God, where am I now–

I will tell you where I am now. I am sitting on my sofa in Washington, D.C. It’s very cold outside. Peggy is downstairs making potato soup. Judy is upstairs balling. I am very happy– I am accepting all this about me– my existence is fucking me– and I am lying back and taking it. 

I want to go to Oklahoma. The vision is clear.

I cannot write I am tired.