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October 12th, 1975
It’s a fine fall day. Gorgeous bright blue sky and crisp clean air and tunnels of streets with burning arched trees. Orange and yellow and deep, deep red. Early this morning we went to the Georgetown Flea Market. Jewelry, old books, magazines, furniture, clothes. Richard with his sexy beard and blue jeans and sport coat. Me, with four days beard, bright red shirt. I am sitting in the room we have made into a home in this house. Beautiful warmth and an old Tarzan movie. I am totally here. Have had strong religious experiences lately.
Simply accepting the intellectual reality of a God concept– you’re faced with an incredible stream of necessary truths. The acceptance of God’s omnipotence and our own creature/dependent/worshipful relationship to that force, that primal energy source– requires total denial of the life system we have been living. When you experience a conceptualization of God energy it totally rearranges your inner world. By surrendering all your struggles and accepting your knowledge of God’s providence and your own purity because of his presence. Your own yoga prevails. The karmic yoga of daily life.
Doing what needs to be done– not for any satisfaction of having it done. But for the satisfaction of doing what needs to be done. The fruits of your work are God’s fruits. They do not belong to you. Only through God’s great love for you– are you able to breathe and smell and experience. A pure, exquisite life role– if you think about it. Totally surrendered of ego– false ego– creature ego that dies. And tuned into a pure energy role as lifeform experience. And when death comes, simply say, “Thank you, for this opportunity. It’s been marvelous…”
And so, I am feeling fine these days. I have given back to God my ego plans– and he is giving them back to me daily in big doses of warm goodness. I am beginning to thrive.