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October 29th, 1981
Yesterday I did something I have never done since I started this job— I didn’t go to work. I called in sick. I’ve been desperately planning to take a few days off for weeks now— and everyday some new urgency— some final unfinished business keeps me from doing so.I didn’t want to lie about being ill— but it’s the only inarguable excuse I could present for not being there. Life goes on without me there. Allen, my assistant, sounded close to a nervous breakdown the first day without me— but today sounded more confident. Klaus called to see if we shouldn’t take steps to move one job more quickly— I convinced him that all was under control and would be OK. And, I have had to marvelous days of rest. How hard it is for me to simply rest. My life is such a treadmill of ceaseless activity. It’s so difficult for me to just rest— stretch out on the sofa and nap— relax, watch TV, read. I must develop a greater balance between activity and rest. I went to three meetings today. Now I am going to eat Häagen-Dazs ice cream and watch TV and snuggle with my dog who smells good because she got a bath today. Rest is vital to my mental health.