October 30th, 1975

Today begins a new era in my life.

Yesterday– before I left the office– I said goodbye to all my friends, coworkers, pals. I really will miss the people. What a strange variety of humanity– Tony Grigg, Miki Frank, Buddy Saunders, Maurice.

DEALING WITH GUILT

I had given two weeks notice. Then I called in sick last Friday– and this past Monday was a holiday– so I only worked a grand total of two days this week. I feel sort of rotten about just not going in the last two days of my notice. BUT– I am equally sure of my need to take a few days off and get myself organized and ready to start a new job. I cannot sit around and worry about this supposed wrong I have committed against my employer of the last three years.

᏿ You have no reasons to justify this incredibly immature shrinking of your responsibilities. You are a grown man with responsibilities and you are just saying fuck-it-all and acting like a teenager playing hookey from school.

᏿ What responsibilities do I have? Really? For three full years, I have largely lived and breathed Capitol Hill Graphics. I have cared about my job and consequently the work I was doing. As Dick Smith said yesterday “…good work in the face of an incredible obstacle course…” My ambitions stemmed from purely personal goals.

Fact: My job provides my income. It also largely defines my status in the world at large. The praise and confidence of all the other actors and actresses provide me with my own self-worth and confidence. Therefore, my work becomes an important provider for me in this world. It provides me with income, status, identity, self-worth, self-confidence, and meaningfulness. 

My job, like delicate nerve endings, runs through all the fibers of my life. As the source of money, it determines how we will live, how our material well-being will be structured. The mobility factor of my job adds another dimension to my life and my relationship with Richard: a future. Dreams, plans, hope. Without the knowledge that I can advance in my work, life would feel like a dead end.

Consequently, it is through ones work that you develop the necessities for a happy life.