September 27th, 1976

Treading water on a Monday morning. Grey day valiantly trying to keep my depression from rising. I know it’s wrong to depress my feelings– but what is the point in wallowing in my self-pity and pain? For God’s sake– I’ve got to face this new change in my life positively. Besides, it’s not entirely accurate for me to presume responsibility for this.

I had to move and now I have to make the best of it. Richard chose not to move with me and I have to accept the fact that he and I both stand a better chance of being independent and happy separately.

Immediate action has got to be taken in my relationship with Gregg. He had bought tickets to a show yesterday. We’ve planned to go for a week. Yesterday afternoon, at the last minute, I decided I didn’t want to go. He was to call me when it was over and we planned to spend the night here. After Richard stopped by last night and I had enough to drink to be impulsive, I called Juan and he told me to come on over.

For sympathy. God, I love him. And our interaction fits my neuroses to a tee. Me in the role of baby– being held and loved by an older, wiser man. But the fact remains, he is so good and sweet to me. I’ve been trying to call Gregg this morning. Going to lie to him about getting drunk at Gayle and Ed’s and spending the night. Firm resolve from here on to be positive and honest with him. Staying home from work today. Lying again. Told them I was waiting for the telephone company to hook up my phone.