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I’ll tell you something.
Ever since Peggy and Ed left I have been half crazy trying to figure out exactly what I should do now.
I have quit all the vices which I once claimed in an attempt to get my shit together.
I want to be a star.
I want to be desired and cherished the world over.
I want to be a great film star.
DO YOU HEAR THAT!
I WANT TO BE A GREAT FILM STAR.
I want to act and act and act.
I want to be spilling my guts out on stage.
I want people in Lawton, Oklahoma to go see me at the local movie house. I want people to go see me at the Gilloiz in Springfield, Missouri.
God, it is the only way that I will ever be happy.
There are no human relationships that could bring me that degree of happiness. I am finally becoming aware of that fact. I do not need any love short of being a film star.
My day to day life has got to take on the dimensions of a film star in training and I swear I know that being a film star is my destiny.
I’m going to the Ben Bow.
I worship Ben Bow.
I love the Ben Bow more than I love the God I was taught to love.
Fuck, fuck, I’m depressed.
Tim, come home and I’ll suck your dick.