I feel like Dorothy when she finally got back to Kansas. Wild fun day yesterday ended with Doug in Rutherford, New Jersey, and I nearly had a nervous breakdown with anxiety this morning over getting my faggot self back into Manhattan. Doug is a complete bore. This visit to his apartment in New Jersey was even worse than I had imagined. Lifted whole out of Diane Arbus’ worst imaginings. The point of all this is that I’m developing a focus, a perspective on my sexual preoccupation with dumb men. It’s like the card I gave Andy for Valentine’s Day, Whip Me, Bite Me, Fuck Me. Cum all over my tits. Treat me like the filthy pig that I am, then get the fuck out. I’ve got to accept the fact that my sexuality and my intellectuality are two entirely different matters and that I function better when I don’t get the two mixed up. It’s the same theme I’ve been dealing with since last winter and my trip to the Mine Shaft. I realize, Aunt Doris, that you must be tiring of my preoccupation with the NEW YORK MENTALITY, but the fact is, this is what I have been heading for.
February 16th, 1981
February 16th, 1981
February 16th, 1981
I feel like Dorothy when she finally got back to Kansas. Wild fun day yesterday ended with Doug in Rutherford, New Jersey, and I nearly had a nervous breakdown with anxiety this morning over getting my faggot self back into Manhattan. Doug is a complete bore. This visit to his apartment in New Jersey was even worse than I had imagined. Lifted whole out of Diane Arbus’ worst imaginings. The point of all this is that I’m developing a focus, a perspective on my sexual preoccupation with dumb men. It’s like the card I gave Andy for Valentine’s Day, Whip Me, Bite Me, Fuck Me. Cum all over my tits. Treat me like the filthy pig that I am, then get the fuck out. I’ve got to accept the fact that my sexuality and my intellectuality are two entirely different matters and that I function better when I don’t get the two mixed up. It’s the same theme I’ve been dealing with since last winter and my trip to the Mine Shaft. I realize, Aunt Doris, that you must be tiring of my preoccupation with the NEW YORK MENTALITY, but the fact is, this is what I have been heading for.