January 28th, 1981

Rent notice for February came today. That makes it two months overdue, $1,030, due immediately. $100 telephone bill with a threat to disconnect next Tuesday. A letter from a lawyer in Washington asking for $50 a month until the Garfinckel’s bill is paid. And, of course, the unpaid taxes. That’s another $500 or so. At least I’ve learned to keep a certain perspective on this shit. 10 years from now, I won’t even remember these fucking details. I came from work exhausted from the hangover from last night. So I took a three hour trance-like nap and am now drinking beer and just took a hit of “speed” I bought off the street last night. Commercial caffeine pills, but I may get a buzz. Allan is coming over and we’re going to J’s tonight. I chide myself for this streak of bar hopping. The apartment’s a mess. I should stay home and rest. Fuck it. I need romance and passion in my life and I’m not going to find it sitting in this room like a contented cow. Better to be destructively desperate. It’s more interesting.