I feel like something is about to happen to me. I feel like I am about to experience a total physical and emotional break down. I am going to go to pieces. Nervous exhaustion. I fantasize of collapsing in the subway and thereby allowing myself to become hospitalized. I long to simply lie down on the sidewalk and close my eyes and wait for someone to call an ambulance. To give up entirely. My job continues to be a daily nightmare of overwork and unrelenting deadline pressures. By now I perceive myself as a total failure at managing the situation. I give up. I quit. Stop. Having an assistant has provided zero relief for me now— he has a minimal background in typesetting and I’ve had practically no time to train him thoroughly on the equipment. I keep promising myself that soon— any day now— I am going to take a couple of days off and get myself back together. And every day more work flows in and it becomes more impossible.
October 20th, 1981
October 20th, 1981
October 20th, 1981
I feel like something is about to happen to me. I feel like I am about to experience a total physical and emotional break down. I am going to go to pieces. Nervous exhaustion. I fantasize of collapsing in the subway and thereby allowing myself to become hospitalized. I long to simply lie down on the sidewalk and close my eyes and wait for someone to call an ambulance. To give up entirely. My job continues to be a daily nightmare of overwork and unrelenting deadline pressures. By now I perceive myself as a total failure at managing the situation. I give up. I quit. Stop. Having an assistant has provided zero relief for me now— he has a minimal background in typesetting and I’ve had practically no time to train him thoroughly on the equipment. I keep promising myself that soon— any day now— I am going to take a couple of days off and get myself back together. And every day more work flows in and it becomes more impossible.